She has different facets. This universal Harry Potter in the hands of adults in the metro. This belief in "good king" who will come and judge all - when people are big, strong, waiting for someone stronger and more resolute, who have coped with their problems. It's simply the reluctance to make their own decisions, leaving everything as it is.
Jung called people's condition in the beginning of XX century "immensely overgrown and swollen kindergarten".
Since then has passed about 70 years, but the situation seems to have worsened. And call that from the child's need to educate a whole person, does not work, because in order to educate a person, you have to be that person. And bring the usual incompetent parents and teachers, many of them very often for half or even a whole life remain largely children. Realizing that during their childhood there had been some mistakes, they want to fix them in the next generation. But this desire always rests on a psychological fact: "I can't fix the child the mistakes that you have been doing." This means that parents and caregivers must first grow up ourselves, to stop being childish and holding on to his immaturity.
Immaturity... the Word, of course, beautiful, almost Royal, as a Prince is called Royal baby. But the effects of her dangerous as the disease and we catch it quickly.
To identify the presence of this "Royal disease" is difficult. To understand what traits of immaturity you have is already a step forward. And then you need to figure out what to do with them next.
But how, you ask, to grow up and remain young, not to be like an adult from "the Little Prince" Exupery — not to think only about numbers and how much their parents earn other and not about what he likes and how to get involved...
But let's first identify the symptoms of immaturity.
Infantilism, according to psychologists — the result is not quite proper education or adverse conditions in the period from 8 to 12 years. At this age the child should begin to assign responsibility for yourself, for your actions, etc. From 13 to 16 years the child develops a sense of maturity, individuality, and creates its own system of values. And 17 years is the formation of understanding of their place in human society and purpose in life.
But if you look deeper, the first symptoms of immaturity can emerge in early childhood.
Throughout life a person is going through certain transitional stages occurring very rapidly and result in changing his mind. Such phases are usually connected with specific ages, called crises. Every crisis period, despite the ugliness and heaviness of the flow, adds a certain touch to the sense of maturity, which gradually grows into a man. But in order for this process to be conducted correctly, it is necessary that the crises was severe and rapid, and the parents and relatives of the adults reacted to them wisely, knowing how necessary. Because otherwise, the crisis is not handled well (if at all held). Adolescent crisis, for example, can last for a lifetime.
Born and immaturity really quickly. From unfinished lessons that my mom does for the baby in the dead of night. From the laces, which are quicker to tie yourself, than to wait until they are out of the child, especially if you are running late. Of unwashed dishes, which is easier to give up and wash myself, than long to explain why it should be done. Out of a desire to protect children from bad decisions — because we know better (although why, then, do we make mistakes?). From the inability of the parents to see and understand, and most importantly — to trust the children. And then it turns out that the child may, but does not.
The combination of too-great educational activity of parents and immaturity, the immaturity of children is typical. The mechanism of action is based on a psychological law — the personality and abilities of the child develop only in the activities that he does at his own request and with interest.
Here begins the task of parents is to gradually but steadily take care and responsibility for the personal Affairs of the child and give it to him. Allow your child to meet with the negative consequences of their actions (or their inaction). Only then it will grow up and become "conscious".
You cannot do the work of growing up without a "field of free movement" in which people can experiment with yourself, which gives you the opportunity to make their own choices and take responsibility for it, take risks and be prepared to pay for everything. Man can find identity, individuality, not passing through such fields of freedom. Only in some societies these fields are civil protected, in others they are spontaneous, and the cost of failure in this case is much higher.
By the way, the complexity of the self-determination of modern Russian teenagers that they are devoid of stable societies, the feeling of historical tradition. Their maturity comes at a time samples of things when no one around you or to you was not in the same situation, didn't take the same decisions, did not commit such actions.
Carl Jung tried to extract almost inexhaustible variety of individual problems of adolescence General and most importantly: it is expressed in varying degrees, the need to defend and get stuck in a child's level of consciousness about the need for a resistance force in a young man and around him the forces of fate.
Not give, do not let go of a grown child — a very strong motive, largely determines the behavior of parents, especially mothers. Though not always conscious. And here do not help nor education, nor even the constant professional communication with the same children, only strangers. Student-zaochnitsa told me: "I feel like a man only when you leave the house for a session." And her mom, among other things, a teacher. This raises a painful choice: how to dare for your own life, if the "I love mom and I don't want to hurt her"...
Development is hard work, and it is not necessary to present the case so that here, they say, children are eager to grow, and the parents dragged them back. Very often it is by mutual agreement, though not expressed. In order to begin to live your own life, you need courage. Not everyone has it. It is convenient to shift to a wiser human responsibility and to live by his decisions. It turns out that mothers do not live their lives and their children, too, benefit from this symbiosis.
As a result, the output from delayed teenage life. Often the University becomes a kind of nursery where children grow up. Only on the third or fourth year students learn the culture of making decisions consciously and responsibly, not going on about or not acting to spite someone. To escape from the hardships of adulthood, but to become adult, girls sometimes marry and try to pass this work of growing up at her husband.
But that's not all. The roots of immaturity — and in fear: "and suddenly will not work?"; and a painful unwillingness to make a decision, to worry and to look for the right exit — it's much easier to follow the advice and do as others have said; and the reluctance to offend those who lovingly offers ready.
Of course, people never grow up all at once. System "adult" roles absorbed in different sequences, and a conscious attitude appears to us not at the same time in different areas of life. Therefore, it is socially Mature people seeking success in business or science, often quite infantile in the rest of life. In the workplace, they feel older, and it is — boys depend on other people's opinions and can't take independent decisions.
And infantilism develops from unsuccessful attempts to prolong youth. Extend, trying to return to adolescence, showing all the characteristics of the child which on all other indicators have long since ceased to be. Some people are being very adult, trying to regain lost youth by returning to an already completed game experimental forms of life, discarding the goods previously accepted responsibilities. There is a type of "eternal youth" and "eternal girls" who can't and don't want to grow up. The images of such people are well represented in the movie: "Flights in dream and reality", "Crew", "Autumn marathon". But, unfortunately, this youth is illusory. It's not youth, and children's mask worn by an adult and seriously reflected on himself and his environment. In infantilism adult, writes B. Levi, to be his disintegration and spiritual emptiness. Attempts to overcome feelings stop stagnation by returning to the lifestyle of your own youth demonstrate a lack of creative potential, unwillingness to move on and kind of escapism. After all, to throw off the burden of past life, we need to look forward, not backward: to venture into the unknown and take on new responsibility — not only for themselves but also for others.
And here is the paradox: to be truly young, you can only become truly adults — overcoming doubt, anxiety, sadness and insecurities, complexes and fears, a lack of benchmarks and the problem of the eternal inconsistency of the big needs and little features. Then you'll be able to enjoy every day, to understand that you yourself make decisions and feel happy. To be harmonious and strong. After all, your life is your life.
Of course, to feel like adults, an important social successes and achievements. And a family and a career is approved by the society a kind of step of maturation, but only external. Because people with family and job also can be childish. Especially if he's never had to fight for neither one nor the other.
In addition to external success, there are internal criteria, on the basis of which correspond drafts and selected the options, "places and head tcherneva in the fields". With every desire man can not escape the question if he got this line, verse, act, and all life if he wants to reverse or continue them, proud of them or ashamed of.
Climber walking on the conquest of Everest, of course, has an exceptional courage and strength of character, but whether he is as strong and mentally focused in all other situations? Extreme situations test the limit of our possibilities, and routine — consistency of our style of life.
To develop your personality, people should be able, to dare, and to be able to choose your path and accept responsibility. It needs to answer the question "who am I?" and, therefore, the question "what can I do?", "what do I dare?" and "what would I do?". Continue to act in accordance with the answers to these questions.
To dare to live your own life, it is necessary to abandon very common misconception that our psychological maturity is measured by the passing years. Only then can we all stages of his life with new experiences, finding the benefits in each of them. At each stage of the circle of life people have to solve different tasks, specific only for this period of development, the tasks put in front of him, his body, his society, and himself.
For all the "semesters" of his life, a man trying to understand who he is and how he should live to match the most accurate image of ourselves. (Psychologists and philosophers say about the endless search of identity.) But the semester and you can "fill up". Or simply refuse to take an optional exam. And then there is like a student walking with "tails" — the unsolved life problems of past period — and, perhaps, life not be able to get rid of them. And at some point to bring down your problem in the converted form to their own children.
Those who took their first significant decisions not for themselves, not an adult who never managed to become a socially Mature person, in 28-30 years waiting for the crisis "reselection". A at this time between jobs, divorce or, on the contrary, having children. But if these decisions are made to spite others or fate, if there is no serious reflection and awareness, if it is only the external growth, the crisis of 35 years again turns everything in their lives. And even social successes did not help, despite the fact that public opinion is sufficiently clear criteria of success — the state of mind, career, living conditions: apartment, children, family, car, house. It would seem that else is necessary for a person?
Someone at this age for the first time, asks himself the question "why?". Someone starts to rethink his entire life and then speaks of the spiritual crisis. So I have made this and that — and then what? All the same, again?
At this age some people come into confession and community, where they seek the support and opportunity to embed herself in some new dimension, a new framework of spirituality. Often for the first time in my life a person really understands their problems, tries to solve them. This time of life with awakened consciousness.
A. Men wrote about it this way: "no matter How bizarre or fate — everything has a meaning, if we want to understand and find. I feel sorry that people find this pettiness. One of the main rules of life: don't look in the microscope. Know microscope you can see the worst of the bacilli that live near us, from time to time — peacefully. To live large — the only thing worthy of a human being. And here is vermicelli... and From this infantile men... Buried in their own things, in their own microscopic /in fact/ pride, etc., and self-deception. If... if... I would".
The emergence of this question: "What do I want?" it is the main symptom of the crisis that marks a new stage of life — path to personal, not just social maturity. It would seem, all is to suddenly learn that there is no life. And find it mostly to mid-life, but perhaps earlier — when confronted with a special situation. This is our first life milestone to take stock. Children are not children anymore, but teenagers, they finish school or went to College. Their education, their early successes for most parents — an indicator of their own success. To a large extent why we care so much about their scores. But we cannot live their lives as we would like. We must look for his meaning of life. And at this stage not to look for it, to hide from yourself — is also a sign of immaturity.
The famous psychologist and psychotherapist Viktor Frankl formulated his goal: to help people to find their meaning. To help to seek and find his destiny. It can be a variety of things, most importantly to the man himself felt it.
It is only self-found sense only independent decisions give people optimism in summing up his life. And then in old age he realizes: my life is not a chain of missed opportunities and not a life lived a little. This is my life!