Family happiness does not depend on the age of the spouses ?
It is interesting to observe how changing the fabric of society: a thing of the past beliefs, has long seemed immutable, and the phenomena that once shocked people today are familiar. For example, Russian sociologists have concluded that over the last decade significantly increased the number of families between spouses is a big difference in age.
And if before, is mostly found in the variant when the man is much older than his half, now there are cases when a woman exceeds the years of his elect.
Evil tongues in such cases are apt to say that the basis for such marriages lies any self-interest and that they are in the power of this and other related reasons fragile. Of course, sometimes this opinion lies not far from the truth. However, according to experts, today a lot more of examples where "unequal" husband and wife was joined by a deep feeling. What are the prospects of such marriages? Can they be harmonious? What should they entered people to live together happily ever after?
What determines the equality in marriage ?
Before giving the definition of an unequal or, as expressed by the experts, intergenerational marriage, you should determine what is considered normal for the age of marriage, conditional? Such is the marriage between a man and a woman, equal in their socio-psychological development. Maybe it sounds strange, but in this equality of the fairer sex usually younger - the difference in years between her and her husband is about 3-4 years (10-15 percent. from her age). That is, if a girl, say, 25 years, that her chosen one should be about 28-29 years. The fact that partners of different ages in the same development, due to the fact that women begin to Mature at 3-4 years before. Compliance with this provision is a condition of harmony in the relationship. The most optimal marriage is considered to be age 20 to 24 years.
About mixed-age marriage, according to psychologists, we can say in the following cases: when the age difference of the spouses, if more Mature - the man is 40 and more percent. (7-8 years) and when it is equal to 30 or more percent. (6-7 years) if older woman. It should be noted, however, that some theorists believe of different ages and those marriages in which the wife is older than husband for 1-5 years.
It is noteworthy that the public are unlikely in the mass studiously sociological and psychological papers on the subject, demonstrates an almost complete solidarity with the scientists. Studies show that ordinary citizens are inclined to take it as the norm families in which the husband older than wife on average for 3 years, and be classified as anomalies such marriages in which the male partner is older by more than 10, and a woman more than 5 years.
Intergenerational marriage: is there an ideal model?
The public is wary of unequal family unions, usually considering each case as an attempt by a younger marriage partner to solve their financial problems at the expense of more Mature (the latter usually appears in this case, a foolish victim of a clever con or swindler). If a clear financial connotation is not clear, people trying to explain this psychological and physiological factors that we write and say in almost every media.
According to some psychologists, there are several explanations for the fact that people are choosing their companion in life of a person considerably older or younger than themselves. The most common ones are as follows.
The family model of "the Husband is much older than" create this files most often male, the victim of midlife crisis, seeking to prove their worth, and the young girl, which my childhood lacked a father's love and looking for a man not so much her husband, as a caring patron and guardian.
A variant of "the wife of the much older" very satisfied, according to the experts, ladies with a strong maternal instinct, which is vital excessively about whom to care, as well as men from the category of "eternal boys", for which the spouse is a kind of copy of their mother, usually domineering and hard woman.
It is very common to hear or read about the physiological reasons that motivate people to unequal marriage. In fact, according to sexologists, both models have different ages of marriage for a short period of time possible to complete sexual harmony. Experienced adult man knows how to satisfy in bed younger, often less experienced partner. Likewise, an experienced middle-aged woman can give to a young man of feeling that he is unlikely to get from sex with peers. The idyll ends when the younger partner in a marriage grows and it starts to irritate the tutelage of the elder (which also observed the extinction of sexual function). The natural ending - divorce.
Given all this, it can be concluded that people of different generations connect their destinies because of any psychological complexes and physiological needs. Of course, such cases do occur. However, to reduce everything to the fact that all participants of unequal marriages - people with similar problems, it would be a mistake. Otherwise, there would be as many families of aged husband and young wife or young husband and wife older than him - would live for many years, as they say, soul to soul.
What affects family well-being
Many psychologists, responding to a question about what is most important prerequisites for the future of family well-being, as a called psychobiology compatibility. It is "indefinable inner sympathy" felt by people towards each other. It is based on admiration for the attractive qualities of another person: the physical beauty, charm, talent, ability to succeed etc. Such attachment is sometimes called love, is one of the guarantees of a successful marriage.
To a large extent on the quality of life together is affected by the personal worth of people. According to specialists, in an ideal marriage, the spouses often have such personality traits as consistency, hard work, dedication and flexibility of behavior.
According to experts, a harmonious marriage involves social maturity of the spouses, the willingness to financially provide for his family, duty and responsibility, self-control. In addition, there are a number of factors that have an indirect impact on the well-being of married life.
First, the intellectual level of the partners should be about the same - this will help the couple to easily achieve understanding. We cannot ignore the duration of the meeting: during the period of communication is important to get to know each other not only in greenhouses but also difficult situations, when clearly exhibits both the strengths and weaknesses of the partner.
From all this it follows, that a happy family can create and people with a big age difference, provided that in addition to their mutual feelings is a set of necessary qualities - innate and acquired. However, such couples need to consider that the stability of their marriage depends not only on the depth of feelings, but also from the ability to confront the "goodwill" of others.
Psychologists recommend not to wash dirty linen in public
I must say that the unequal marriage from the beginning under intense and not always benevolent attention of others. If the standard conflicts in families, society perceives sympathetically, turmoil in intergenerational family looks through the prism of conventional views about regulation, but because sympathy has no place here. But, as a rule, there is condemnation. So loving the "unequal" spouses need to remember to always follow the following best practices of psychologists: does not clarify the relationship in front of strangers, do not make these remarks with your spouse, don't let relatives, even family, to interfere in your relationship, guided by the principle "Understand yourself"; don't tell the husband (wife) no discrediting his (her) facts. Finally, learn how, if necessary, politely but firmly to defend his mate and himself from the attacks of others. And when you think that everything is against you (say, come such things), consider that, according to statistics from the same research centers, about 20 percent. citizens, talking about the optimal age difference between spouses, of the opinion that age does not matter if in the family there is love and respect.
ADVICE OF EXPERTS
According to psychologists, the prerequisite for harmony and happiness in unequal marriage is the desire of everyone to reckon with the age features of the second half and build relationships in accordance with them. In this regard, experts give the following recommendations.
If you are the husband of a young person, never talk about the possibility of a sad outcome of your relationship with a view to hearing a refutation. Regularly repeating: "Soon I will be old, and you will leave me," you force her to repeat: "No, I will not give up" - that is, to justify what she has not done yet.
Refrain from suppressing it with authority, always insisting on your option of solving family issues. Of course, you are more experienced, probably more knowledgeable in many issues, but to reckon with the opinion of another member of the family is more than necessary.
The young wife, in turn, to maintain harmony in the relationship does not need to give reasons for jealousy, even for the purpose of "refreshing the relationship." For your loved one who is much older than you, even a playful hint of treason can be a reason for depression. On the contrary, tell him more often how much he means to you and how indifferent to you all the other men.
In addition, do not let him feel old, for which purpose try to find common memories of life, to talk about topics that are close to both of you.
If you are a spouse of a man who is significantly younger than you, refrain from teaching him to live (even if you know everything and know how, and he is naive and inexperienced). Let him feel like the head of the family. As practice shows, such husbands, clothed in the confidence of their half, cope with everything and experience immense pleasure from the consciousness of their masculinity and the ability to take care of their beloved woman.
A husband whose wife is older should tell her more often that she is beautiful, maintain her confidence in her own attractiveness (after all, despite her external bravado, she can be complex at heart because of the age difference.