An important principle in relationships with men is not to love too much. We understand that sometimes it is not easy to cope with yourself. But let's think together, what is the reason that a woman sometimes behaves unreasonably, losing her head from love.
Some women think that love can help to keep the lover, change it, get rid of bad habits, improve his character. Alas! They are mistaken.
In love blindness, the woman idealizes the lover, and then sees and sees that he is not at all the way she loved him. If the character of a person has developed, then it will not be possible to radically change it. Psychiatrists can correct negative character traits, but only correct, not correct completely. A loving woman is a bad teacher, she forgives too much, does not see much, appreciates her lover through the prism of her love.
A loving woman gives herself to her whole feeling. From the partner she waits for a reciprocal feeling of the same intensity. And most often in vain. This man is focused on overcoming obstacles. In fact, he is a conqueror, a fighter. He prefers to set a goal and achieve it. Easy prey, which itself goes into the hands, does not entice a strong man. If he has nothing to conquer, if a woman gives herself all up and floods him with her love, he begins to be uneasy with such relations and dream about another, which still needs conquering.
We have been accustomed since childhood to treat everything that adults call the word "love". Fiction, drama and cinema accustomed us to the fact that this is a great feeling, and love sufferings and sacrifice in the name of love ennoble a person. (By the way, this is not the only example when art accustoms us to wear rose-colored glasses.) We believe that love afflictions are not love, but masochism.
Love is a psychological comfort that you experience in the company of another person. Perhaps you will find this definition too simplistic? However, enthusiastically exalted definitions are characterized not by love, but by love, and this, as scientifically proven, is different states.
The pleasure from suffering can be experienced only by a masochist, and for a normal person suffering is an uncomfortable state. That's why we do not consider "love afflictions" as love. True love gives joy, not suffering. At an early stage of falling in love there can be emotional changes, when periods of exaltation are replaced by boundless despair. It is peculiar to young people and girls in general - their psyche is not yet fully formed. For a given age period, this is a normal, but short-lived period. But if he is delayed or if the love of an adult woman is manifested in this way, then this is already abnormal. And the high intensity of feelings, and the drop of violent passions exhaust the psyche.
Saying: "I gave him all of myself," "I sacrificed everything for him" - a woman means that she did it for the sake of love. In fact, these "victims" are needed by herself, and the man to whom she "gave herself away" does not need it at all. Moreover, for him such love is very burdensome. So what kind of love is this, and what kind of women, from which men sometimes run? In fact, this is not love at all.
There are people who do not know how to like their psyche. Some of them are emotionally cold, indifferent (this is a pathology, the range of which is wide enough - from psychopathy to schizophrenia), others are capable of loving only themselves (and this is also a pathology - most often psychopathy). An emotionally cold person does not even pretend to love someone; In love with himself only, he usually creates the appearance of an extraordinary, sublime love for a man of the opposite sex.
Women who poison and maim themselves because of "unhappy love," refer to those who all their lives have a single, all-consuming passion - to themselves. Their "great" love for a man - in fact, very skillful game. Sometimes she looks convincing, sometimes - thoroughly false, theatrical. It is noteworthy that this is not a pretense in the usual sense - the woman herself does not realize that this is a game, she lives in this role. The underlying reason is selfish narcissism, a focus on one's self. It happens with hysterical psychopathy.
The advice "not to love strongly", of course, is not addressed to them. (Psychopathy is a congenital defect of character that can be corrected, but it can not be completely corrected.) This advice applies to women who give their experiences undeservedly much attention.
Perhaps the very woman who LOVES, it seems that no one has ever loved her like her. And, of course, she's wrong. Each person once in his life loved and, perhaps, more than once. Nevertheless, most people live happily, without burdening others with their feelings.
Love is neither sacrifice nor suffering. This is not an egoistic feeling. A loving person first of all thinks about the good of a loved one, and not about his own. And in those cases when a woman "pours" a man with love, she revels in it herself, showing everyone how much she loves and how much her lover does not love enough. This is a play in which the woman herself is the prima, and the motive force is her egocentrism.
So do not rush to regret a woman who "goes crazy with love." If there is no sympathetic audience and listeners, to whom she believes all the vicissitudes of her "tragic" love - very soon everything fades. "Straw fire of feelings," psychiatrists say in these cases. The theater of one actor called "hysterical psychopathy".
A mentally normal person is able to curb his feelings and pull himself together. Even if the flame rages in the chest, if the soul is writhing with pain, it can, with clenched teeth, not show it to other people. CONTROL YOUR EMOTIONS can only a person with a healthy psyche. If he is not capable of this, psychiatrists diagnose: incontinence affects. You understand, this is not the norm.
Therefore, if it seems to you that you are unable to cope with your feelings on your own, you need to turn to a professional. Nothing terrible will happen.
So if you want to conquer your man, you need to control your feelings. The advice "not to love too much" should not be taken literally. You can love as much as the emotionality of your nature allows, but most importantly - do not show your unlimited love to your partner. Learn to hide your feelings, harness emotions. If you have a problem with this, a psychiatrist will help you.